How could there be anything betterer
For an avid word-junkie competitor?
No crossword or Jumble
Is worth half the tumble
As a limerick contest from Lederer.
So wrote David Bouck, of Poway. Apparently, many of you agreed because a chorus line of your Christmas limericks cavorted into my e-mail box, so many, in fact, that I am featuring 45 additional submissions on my website: www.verbivore.com.
Most of your verses were cast in correct meter, unlike this classic limerick:
A decrepit, old gas man named Peter,
While hunting around for the meter,
Struck a leak with his light.
He was blown out of sight —
And as anyone can see by reading this line, he also destroyed the meter!
Judging the twinkle of the humor, the craft of the story building and the dexterity of rhyme and meter, I have selected four champion limericists, each of whom will receive an inscribed and signed copy of my book A Treasury of Christmas Humor.
A Dad from S.D. (Mission Bay)
Sought a bike for his kid’s Christmas Day.
But his hopes turned to ash.
Bitcoin, credit or cash
Couldn’t buy it. ‘Twas stuck off L.A.
-Judith Leggett, Escondido
Oh dear, I have so much to do.
The Grinch, he has sweet Cindy Lou.
While Santa has elves,
We have only ourselves
For sending good wishes to you.
–Diane Rider, Scripps Ranch
There once was a Claus from Nantucket,
Who carried his toys in a bucket.
As the nights they grew colder
And he grew much older,
He thought, “Oh I wish I could truck it.”
-Mark Pankrast, Ramona
This is my first Christmas Lederer:
Three wishes to make our lives betterer:
Omicron needs to vanish.
Politics, please do banish.
And our state needs to get a bit wetterer.
-JoAnn Perez, Lakeside
And Honorable Mention to all (including the limericks on my website):
This year a new Grinch doth lurk,
But his plan to steal Christmas won’t work.
For you’ll hear Santa say,
As he climbs in his sleigh,
“On Pfizer, Moderna and Merck!”
-Todd Robbins, Tierrasanta
The tinsel and lights in a tangle.
The Christmas tree sits at an angle.
The cat has been bad,
But I can’t be mad.
There’s one last glass bulb left to dangle.
-Jennifer Roberts, South Park
At Christmas I feel like the Grinch.
Baking cookies would just make me flinch.
I hate turkey or goose,
So what do I choose?
Eggnog or a toddy’s a cinch.
-Maren Krenz, Spring Valley
Christmas birds all go stork raven mad,
While some wise-quacking ducks become sad.
Some profits they tern.
How to tweet they should learn.
The hens’ practical yolks are so bad.
–Jim Ertner, Kensington